Why Christmas Can Be So Disappointing (And What To Do About It)

’Tis the play for bid and goodwill – and an atrocious batch of let-downs. 

Speaking to HuffPost UK, BACP-certified therapist Lina Mookerjee of Praxis Therapy said the play makes her see the “forces astatine play successful shaping our beliefs astir however Christmas should be experienced, and however antithetic these expectations often are from the world we encounter.” 

And Roya Royle, a therapist astatine Talking Art studio (who is besides BACP-certified) said that “Christmas disappointment” tin hap for a scope of reasons. 

Here, the therapists shared their thoughts connected what tin marque the holidays truthful disenchanting and what, if anything, we tin bash astir it. 

Why tin Christmas beryllium truthful disappointing?

Expectations are artificially high

Mookerjee said that, “Much of media and advertizing thrives connected tapping into quality fears and insecurities, presenting america with products, lifestyles and images that supposedly specify a ‘successful’ Christmas”. 

But she doesn’t needfully deliberation that failing to conscionable these standards is ever the crushed we consciousness fto down travel the large day. Often, it’s “because what we were led to judge would marque america blessed does not, successful fact, bash so.

“At the bosom of this is the quality betwixt utilizing an outer locus of valuation and an interior locus of valuation to marque consciousness of our experience,” she added.

An “external locus” could beryllium your family, societal media, your friends, oregon simply taste expectations.

“These expectations are besides often motivated by attempts to avoid, negociate oregon soothe fear, alternatively than by an attunement to what genuinely nourishes us – specified arsenic genuine connection, communion, and the sharing of clip and attraction done presence, not presents.” 

Then, there’s the contented of memories

While Royle agrees that “expectations tin play a part”, she said, “I don’t deliberation that’s the full communicative with Christmas disappointment”. 

Even unrealistic expectations often “come from a bully place,” the therapist added. Sometimes, feelings of disappointment travel from trauma instead.

“I often promote [clients] to deliberation astir what was happening during a Christmas that felt difficult. Christmas has a beardown sensory presence. The smells, sounds and sights are everywhere, and it’s hard to debar them.

“Even if idiosyncratic isn’t consciously reasoning astir a nonaccomplishment oregon a trauma, their assemblage whitethorn beryllium responding to it. People tin find themselves reacting successful ways that consciousness acquainted from that time, without ever knowing why.” 

But bully memories tin marque america consciousness a small deflated by comparison, too, she added. 

After all, we “make Christmas consciousness particularly breathtaking for children, and those aboriginal experiences tin enactment with us.

“The consciousness of anticipation that came with believing successful Santa and/or waiting for thing magical tin inactive unrecorded successful the assemblage agelong aft we’ve stopped wanting toys oregon expecting that benignant of magical surprise.” 

How tin I debar Christmas disappointment? 

Royle said that erstwhile it comes to Christmas disappointment, “it tin assistance to admit this up of clip alternatively than feeling caught disconnected defender by it.” 

For her part, Mookerjee said, you should effort to “Use your ain interior locus to measure what volition marque your Christmas a occurrence for you” alternatively than trying to acceptable idiosyncratic else’s perfect of the cleanable holiday. 

“Work retired what is important for you, i.e. your beliefs, values and principles... Know that you ever person options, and that includes choosing to spell with convention,” truthful agelong arsenic that’s what you genuinely want. 

“If you take to spell your way, let yourself to enactment retired however you privation to celebrate,” she added.