"Trust Your Gut If Things Feel Icky" — People Are Sharing The Red Flags They Ignored In Relationships That Eventually Grew Into A Huuuge Problem

Content warning: Discussions of intimate spouse violence.

Recently, we asked women to stock the reddish flags they noticed portion dating that they initially brushed off, oregon didn't look similar large issues astatine first... that is, until they developed into immense problems down the line. Because we could each usage a small reminder of the benignant of behaviour that should not beryllium tolerated, present is what radical had to share:

1. "When we archetypal started dating, we went to a restaurant, and helium spotted the server's extremity connected the array and pocketed the wealth with a smug look connected his face. He proceeded to bash it to 2 of her tables successful summation to ours aft we were seated. I rapidly hid her extremity truthful helium wouldn't spot it. He ended up being broke, lazy, and entitled. He felt helium was amended than everyone else, but was thing but a large instrumentality with a agleam smile."

2. "His ex-wife showed up astatine 1 of our archetypal dates and made a large country successful the restaurant. Awkward for sure, but I was consenting to springiness it different chance. In the fewer months we dated, she continued to find ways to interrupt dates, she pranked maine astatine work, and she broke into my car. I truly should person walked away, but helium kept assuring maine she was conscionable having a hard clip moving on. Finally, helium dumped maine to spell backmost to her. As radical say, if it feels weird, IT IS WEIRD."

—Anonymous

3. "I went connected a day with idiosyncratic I had met connected an app. It was a large archetypal date. On the 2nd date, I asked him wherefore helium had liked my profile. He told maine that helium ever thought helium would extremity up with idiosyncratic of my contention due to the fact that of assorted stereotypes that helium proceeded to database off. This database included however Asian women are portrayed arsenic docile successful public, portion besides being chaotic successful bed. I ignored it, reasoning the verbal diarrhea was owed to his nervousness and awkwardness."

(Cont'd) "I had a engaged enactment docket astir this clip and would spot him if I could, but we mostly spoke connected the phone. When I vented astir my day, helium was incredibly patronizing, reminding maine that I had chosen my vocation and truthful knew determination would beryllium agelong days and hard stretches. He would besides bring up these stereotypes again by talking astir however brushed my tegument was, however Asians are taught to instrumentality attraction of their skin, however astute we are, etc."

4. "I dated a feline that I was truly successful emotion with for respective years. I noticed definite 'ick' factors during enactment that I addressed regularly, specified arsenic involvement successful anal and strangulation, successful which I declined to participate. He was ne'er upset, and erstwhile I discussed it, helium assured maine that we were good and helium conscionable likes to get a small kinky from clip to time."

"Stupidly, I ignored the reddish emblem and ended up marrying this narcissist. Seven days aft our wedding, his ex told maine they had been sleeping unneurotic for the past 8 months and had adjacent made videos unneurotic connected OnlyFans, if I wanted proof. Sure enough, determination helium was connected OnlyFans performing vulgar enactment acts, including anal and strangulation. BARF."

—Anonymous

5. "He spent my money. I ne'er truly realized the grade of the harm helium caused until we ended our narration a twelvemonth later. I was moving full-time, and helium worked part-time astatine an car parts store portion attending school. His parents were wealthy, truthful I thought they were conscionable trying to thatch him immoderate work with money; helium didn't really person to enactment a job. Meanwhile, I had a car payment, was surviving astatine home, but was inactive buying groceries and helping with bills."

"He up and ghosted maine astatine the end. So, I contacted his ma and asked if I could travel get my things from their house. I took my TV, clothes, and his caller PlayStation. She told maine to instrumentality thing I thought was mine. After talking with them, they wanted maine to email each my statements to amusement wherever helium had spent my money. It took a mates of months, but they paid maine backmost everything, including interest. They were astonishing people. I'm not definite what happened with their son."

—Anonymous

6. "Clothing and objects began disappearing each clip she visited."

7. "He told me, 'You're pretty, but you're not beautiful. You wouldn't privation maine to prevarication to you, would you?'"

—Anonymous

8. "There were truthful many, but 1 of the biggest things I failed to heed was his lavish manner that didn't lucifer his income. Drop a fewer 1000 connected immoderate caller exertion for work? No large deal! Front enactment tickets to The Rolling Stones? Of course! Three-story location successful a fancy vicinity and a marque caller pickup truck? Only to beryllium expected. I ne'er stopped to see however what helium did for enactment couldn't perchance wage for these things."

9. "When I archetypal started dating my present ex-husband, helium would look nervously astir the edifice oregon thoroughfare wherever we were walking, looking for communal friends helium had with his ex-wife. He said helium didn't privation to beryllium seen with different pistillate due to the fact that it mightiness get backmost to her and wounded her feelings (they had been separated for a twelvemonth oregon truthful astatine this point). Their relationship continued to plague our relationship: She would call/text aboriginal successful the greeting and support astatine it until helium responded. She'd often inquire him to travel implicit and bash tasks for her. And they BOTH insisted connected having backstage java dates together."

(Cont'd) "It took a agelong clip earlier my hubby acknowledged this and acceptable up immoderate boundaries. She yet sent maine an apology card, but thing overmuch changed. They seemed to privation to support their narration to themselves for the astir part. He adjacent lied astir seeing her, past gaslit me, saying that it was my discomfort with their backstage meetings that made him person to lie."

"Once, erstwhile we were successful a couples therapy session, she texted him, and HE RESPONDED. He couldn't adjacent beryllium contiguous during our clip (I americium truthful gladsome that happened successful beforehand of the therapist). He ended up leaving maine aft our 3rd anniversary, claiming it was due to the fact that helium didn't privation to beryllium joined anymore. He and the ex are inactive friends. We are not."

—Anonymous

10. "There was a clip I was showing him my Google past due to the fact that the things I look up are stupid, and I thought it was funny. I joked astir what helium looks up due to the fact that he's ever connected his phone, and helium got incredibly antiaircraft and hid his phone. Turns out, helium had a porn Twitter relationship that helium was perpetually checking, among different intersexual sites, and was sexting dozens of strangers. I was with him for 5 fucking years. Just spot your gut if things consciousness icky, due to the fact that there's a reason."

11. "My reddish emblem was the archetypal clip helium broke up with me, LOL! I don't adjacent retrieve what the crushed was, but I cognize it was thing anserine and ridiculous that should've clued maine successful to however immature, irresponsible, flaky, and insecure helium was. But I was besides young and immature and insecure and hadn't been successful a narration before, truthful I didn't cognize better."

"I fto him dainty maine similar ungraded for SEVEN YEARS! And we were on-again off-again origin helium would dump me, and past we'd get backmost unneurotic for a caller circular of lying, cheating, taking maine for granted, etc. Ladies, cognize your worth. Don't enactment up with being mistreated due to the fact that you deliberation it's the champion you tin do. It's not."

—JaineLaine

12. "I met a feline done Plenty of Fish astir 10 years ago, truthful good earlier I had ever heard the presumption 'covert narcissistic' oregon 'gaslighter' being utilized connected societal media. He seemed similar a agleam ray of sunshine, and I had conscionable gotten retired of a LONG, atrocious narration a fewer months anterior with idiosyncratic who was a self-important manchild, and I was drawn to this caller guy's light. He seemed to person a spot of a bittersweet life. He said his parent didn't privation kids but had many, and that astir partners cheated connected him. He told maine helium was homeschooled, truthful helium was 'naive' astir the satellite a bit, and that each helium ever truly wanted was emotion and a family. *Cue violins.*"

(Cont'd) "One night, I saw she had texted him, truthful I checked his telephone and saw she had threatened him to archer maine something. After pushing him to archer maine the truth, it turns retired she and her hubby had an unfastened relationship, and she had slept with my fellow months prior, and was present dealing with an STI. She told him to get tested and treated, and wanted maine to arsenic well. I should person tally past — not lone due to the fact that helium lied astir them sleeping unneurotic — but besides due to the fact that helium had known astir the STI for implicit a period and didn't attraction if I had gotten it from him?!"

(Cont'd) "It took a agelong clip to fig retired each his lies. It turned retired helium was NOT homeschooled (he lied to look naive astir beingness and what helium should/should not do), helium cheated connected each his exes, and I'm beauteous definite helium whitethorn person been a predator — that's wherefore his ma was weird with him and didn't privation HIM."

"He got a miss large wrong a period of our breakup, and she contacted maine 8 months aboriginal erstwhile helium overdosed, saying that she needed his past aesculapian info. We became allies. She dumped him aft helium drank a lawsuit of brew and drove with their newborn successful the car. He past got different YOUNG miss pregnant. She yet near him aft I sent her galore screenshots of the vile, perverted texts helium continued to nonstop maine FOUR YEARS aft we were over. He's present homeless, documenting his beingness connected TikTok, and lying astir however helium got determination (surprise, it's everyone else's responsibility but his)."

—Anonymous

Well, I'm sending a supplication that nary of these radical ever person to woody with this benignant of behaviour ever again. But what astir you — person you ever noticed a "red flag" oregon felt that icky gut feeling successful a relationship, thing you mightiness person brushed disconnected astatine the time, that aboriginal turned into a existent problem? Share your acquisition successful the comments below, oregon taxable it astatine this anonymous form.

Note: Some responses person been edited for magnitude and/or clarity.

If you oregon idiosyncratic you cognize is successful contiguous information arsenic a effect of home violence, telephone 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you tin telephone the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline astatine 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) oregon chat with an advocator via the website.

The National Alliance connected Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides accusation and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an relation of intelligence wellness professionals from much than 25 countries who enactment efforts to trim harm successful therapy.