8 hours ago
5
If you're unfamiliar with "nice feline syndrome," it whitethorn beryllium confusing to larn that being a "nice guy" isn't truly truthful nice. Men who autumn into this class person a past of utmost people-pleasing, minimizing their ain wants and needs, and hoping their show of "niceness" volition gain them love, acceptance, and/or sex. This behaviour tin beryllium a one-way summons to unfulfilling relationships riddled with resentment and passive-aggression, and often leaves their partners feeling dehumanized. This hidden "this for that" societal declaration tin beryllium rooted successful dishonesty, not kindness, and everyone progressive tin endure arsenic a consequence.
1. "Stop being nice, beryllium bully instead. Your motivations are the difference. Stop giving to get; you person to go alert of erstwhile you're giving with strings attached. When you're 'good,' you springiness due to the fact that it's the close happening to do. You don't request thing successful return. You tin take not to springiness without feeling guilty. Even if you privation thing successful return, you tin admit those feelings but besides support them successful check, realizing you're a enactment successful progress. Your needs are nary one's work but your own. You tin beryllium overt successful getting them met, and if they aren't met, you tin header by mounting the due boundaries from a spot of integrity."
2. "Often, erstwhile a narration with a pistillate isn’t going the mode a feline wanted, they commencement deluding themselves, twisting each meaningless motion into thing that could springiness them hope, and past they effort adjacent harder to triumph implicit idiosyncratic who wasn’t funny successful them successful the archetypal place. Plenty of guys can’t grip rejection and past blasted the pistillate for 'leading them on', but really, the feline is the 1 who deluded himself."
—u/Gantolandon
3. "I truly bought into the tropes of romance successful movies and TV shows, reasoning that I was a bully guy. I didn't adjacent recognize I had a precise transactional presumption of relationships that intelligibly wasn't healthy: men dainty women similar they request to beryllium taught however to beryllium a person, and enactment is the outgo for the 'help'. Eventually, I grew retired of it aft watching different 'nice guys' dainty women similar shit, similar objects. I had to look successful the reflector and recognize that not lone were those actions bad, but I was doing them. I didn't bespeak connected it earlier due to the fact that the emblematic 'Nice Guy' was often portrayed arsenic an acne-riddled, fedora-wearing, unhygienic, Dorito-eating gamer, and that didn't acceptable my description. However, I couldn't contradict my actions and emotions.
4. "Understanding codependency and attachment theory is key. Using affirmative affirmations and spending a generous magnitude of clip unsocial are some almighty tools. In my opinion, doing bully things for yourself and not telling anyone is cardinal to self-esteem. Getting distant from outer validation and moving connected interior validation volition beryllium the biggest triumph successful your pursuit."
—u/Noobinpro
5. "Ask yourself, 'if nary 1 ever recovered maine charismatic again, if I ne'er got a day again, oregon recovered different relationship, could I beryllium blessed successful my life? Excited to get retired of furniture and bash what I person planned?' If the reply is no, inquire yourself what it would instrumentality for you to beryllium happy, and past commencement doing those things. I started going retired to devour alone, going to the movies alone, and I got into hiking, camping, etc. I joined Meetup and started attending events, not to conscionable someone, but to person things I'm excited astir connected my calendar. What happened was I overcame my neediness. My full acquisition changed: my relationships with radical successful wide improved, not conscionable with women, and I became much palmy astatine work, showing up amended with my family. I americium everlastingly grateful for this change. I'm inactive moving connected it and trying to get better, but it's been a precise bully and worthwhile journey."
—u/rojomojojo
6. "I privation determination were a much analyzable answer, but it took really getting to cognize women alternatively of conscionable moving disconnected taste scripts, oregon listening to older men kick astir them. Having a pistillate person who was my ain property and had been done immoderate crap made maine recognize the problems 'nice guys' are acrophobic astir are each bullshit."
7. "In my younger years, I was decidedly acold excessively cocky for who I truly was. I deliberation immoderate of it was the mode I was raised, and different portion of it was what I wanted to portray. I talked a large crippled but played similar implicit shit. It took a pistillate who played the aforesaid crippled overmuch amended than I did to sound maine disconnected my perch. It was a equine footwear to the head. I had to instrumentality a elephantine measurement backwards and fig retired who I truly wanted to be. It has not been an casual road, and the travel is acold from over. I judge I americium a 'good guy' now, but I americium besides realistic capable to cognize that I inactive person enactment to do, and I proceed to bash it done self-reflection and action. Words person precise small meaning; everything is successful the actions. Love, apologies, loyalty, honesty, they’re each large sounding, but they’re an action, and your actions volition ever archer connected you earlier your words do. What was bully contiguous tin beryllium done amended tomorrow, but you can’t bash that without reflection."
8. "I decidedly did bully things for girls successful precocious schoolhouse with the hopes that it would marque them similar me, but I don't needfully deliberation that's abnormal for that age. It was decidedly 'nice feline behavior', but I rapidly grew retired of it, particularly erstwhile I got my archetypal woman without truly trying. Turns retired you travel disconnected arsenic much genuine erstwhile you aren't doing things to effort to marque idiosyncratic privation to beryllium with you. If they similar you for who you are, past you won't person to person them. Simply being yourself is much effective."
9. "My 'look successful the reflector moment' was erstwhile I realized I was pouring the vigor into different radical that I should person been pouring into myself. I'm nary one's knight successful shining armor, I can't adjacent prevention myself."
—u/Mochinpra
10. "I learned it's important to analyse and unlearn things you judge astir yourself. I ne'er had a woman successful precocious school, oregon adjacent asked a miss out, due to the fact that whenever I liked a girl, I'd inquire my ma and sister for advice, and they fundamentally told maine not to inquire girls retired due to the fact that I wasn't bully capable successful their eyes."
11. "I work the publication No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr. Robert A. Glover — helium truly had maine figured out. I work it immoderate years ago, and it majorly changed my life."
—u/3flp
English (US) ·